can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
