I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I believe in your delicious
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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