soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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