i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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