Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
