Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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