why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
