Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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