So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They have beer where we have blood.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
