my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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