hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
