My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
