I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
