Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
