Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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