He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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