She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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