I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize