So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
