Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
