wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just threw up on my dentist
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
