I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
