I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
