My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
