it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
