dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
