The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
