Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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