dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
