Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
