Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
