just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
