i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
