tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
