WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
