Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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