My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
