we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
