Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
