Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
