I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
