I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize