Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
