I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
