Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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