so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
