im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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