you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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