I just saw a hot homeless man
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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