You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
