Pregnant stripper...not hot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
