just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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