Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize