New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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