She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
