I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
