Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
