It's Friday. Sex?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
