3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
