if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just had sex bonerless
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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