I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
