Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
