I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
