i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize