I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
