I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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