careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
These tits shall not be calmed
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