my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
