She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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