ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
