why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize