he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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