you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
