I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
