a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
